We live in an age, a magical age if you ask me, where due to the confluence of several different trends, forces, machinations, what have you, it's possible see a woman on television, get this feeling that she's done porn, head to your computer, and within minutes find pictures of that same woman gobbling cock. I mean, think about that. When I was 13, hell, when I was 21, I could only dream that kind of ability.
The specific instance I draw involves reality TV and a ditzy, French stripper with entirely too much plastic surgery. Did you guess Angelique? Because if you did you might be on the same boat as me.
I was flipping through channels one day and happened upon the mile-long train wreck that is VH1's Rock of Love: Charm School. As much as I hate reality TV, I did like the Surreal Life for about a season or two until VH1 became the 24 hour Flavor Flav Minstrel Network. I was for a while miles away from anything resembling a reality show and couldn't have been happier. But I have a weakness, my friends. You place a pretty woman onscreen, and I will watch. Doesn't matter who she is. She could be a silicone bimbo with the personality and IQ of a cardboard box who sincerely thought that the old bald guy from that has-been hair band was going to choose her and stay with her forever. She could be the laughably inarticulate mouthpiece of the Republican Party. If you catch me off guard with a pretty chick, I will watch. And that's exactly what happened with Charm School.
That show is filled with eye candy. Trashy eye candy, I know, don't judge me. And yes, Angelique caught my eye right away. In fact if she wasn't on the show I probably wouldn't have watched for more than a few minutes. I stuck around because I couldn't get enough of her. Angelique, if you noticed and know me by now is the very shining example of what Ugly Girl Porn is. To make it interesting, she sort of resembles in a grotesque, slutty way, a girl I've dated (this is quite bizarre indeed as the girl in question is quite pretty. The type of girl you bring home to mother). And at first sight, something like PornDar™ went off in my head. I just knew: This girl has done hardcore!
And as soon as the show was over. I went online. Bingo! Took all of five minutes to find out her filmography. Well, it's right there on her website. Just take the time to appreciate that. Imagine in 1995, you're watching the Real World and you're like “Goddamn that Pam is hot. I kind of want to see her naked.” And you went to your computer and on her website there's a list of movies you can purchase where you get to see a man cum on her face. That was unimaginable then. Hell it was unimaginable in 2001. If it happen a few years ago, it would have been big news. Remember that chick who got boot from American Idol because she had done some nude photography some years before? Now, news like that doesn't even make a blip. This is the world we live in. Make of it what you will.
Finding information and naked pictures of Angelique was stupidly simple. It took a bit more effort to score an entire movie. She hadn't done that many scenes (I think it's under five), so they were hard to come by. It was a testament of how much of a hold Ugly Girl Porn and the ghosts of ex-girlfriends have on me, that I was more than willing to spend several hours in front of the computer trying and trying. At the end of the day though I had three flicks, an alarming lack of fluids, and a bit of shame for doing what I did as many times as I did it for who I did it to.