Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Scramble Porn In 5 Easy Steps!

Are you like me, friend? Did your adolescence frustratingly end before broadband and effortless access to porn? Did you spend an embarrassing amount of your formative years watching Scramble Porn? I bet you're glad those days are over. But, do you find yourself, strangely enough, missing them?

I do.

If you do too, then you're in luck, friend. I've stumbled onto a simple way replicate that Scramble Porn Look right on your laptop. In a few short steps it'll be like you're 13 again.

1. I use VLC media player 1.0.1. If you have a way of doing this on other players, please feel free to share your method in the comments. First, open your video. For the sake of pornstalgia, I have selected a scene from Hard Evidence starring Jeanna Fine.


3. Click the VIDEO EFFECTS tab, then the IMAGE MODIFICATION tab.

4. You will see on the bottom a choice of check boxes. Checking WAVES will reproduce that squiggle we love so much. You could get a more authentic squiggle by checking WATER EFFECTS. This, however, decreases the contrast once the color's inverted, so this option is for the truly masochistic. Additionally, checking NOISE will add static, but again this will increase the squint factor. Whatever works for you. My eyes are bad as it is so I just choose WAVES.

5. And finally, the coup de grâce. Click on the COLOR FUN tab and then INVERT COLORS box. and voila! Scramble Porn.

Now you're ready to go. If you truly want to recreate that experience from oh so long ago, you could simulate your mother knocking on your door (the anxiety makes it work that much more).

Nothing beats a inverse cum shot!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Porn Star Haiku: Amber Peach

She's a bit fat, and
no beauty. But she sure has
one meaty pussy.

(paraphrasing Wheelster, clearly a connoisseur of womenfolks).
(for the record, I disagree. I think Ms. Peach is quite lovely).
(her pussy is pretty meaty though).