Porn Obsessiveness: Case Study #1

One of the main motivations behind this blog was to track how obsessive porn makes me. I find myself wanting a girl or a video and searching far and wide for it at the expense of everything else.

It's come to my attention that I haven't been shedding much light on this behavior in the 2+ years I've been writing Neckties.

Here's a recent adventure:

1. I was looking through the new girls who have gone through the Blacks on Blondes ringer recently. I pick up on the lovely blue haired Larkin Love.

Aside #1: Ladies, if you have nothing else going for you, dye your hair an odd color (blue, green, henna red, etc), and I'm like an moth to a flame. This is the only reason I've ever found Katy Perry appealing.

Aside #2: You would think that, given the name of the site, Larkin Love wouldn't have made the cut, but I learned years ago that the Blondes part of the title is merely a suggestion.

2. So I'm into Larkin and I want to know more about her. I find her personal site and I'm going through it. I come across red carpet pictures of her at a Vivid party. In one, I'm seized by a redhead who playfully paws at Larkin. Her face is only shown in profile, and yet I am captivated. And like the fickle man I am, I shift from blue to red. I have to know who this is. I must see her in porn. Surely she's a starlet. I post a comment asking who she is. That was in July.

3. Today, after watching a Larkin scene, I remember the mystery redhead. I find my query unanswered. I lose the bit of patience I had. I take matters into my own hands. Or rather, into one of my hands.

4. After a few dead ends, I decide to ask the event photographer,

whose site is at the bottom of the pic. I find his twitter page. Unfortunately, I notice that his most recent tweet is about the death of his dog. Even if I had no class and asked anyway, I know I'm not getting a response any time soon.

5. I realize that the other pics are from other different photographers. What Larkin had done was gather up all the shots she was in and throw them up on her site. It's a big LA party featuring porn stars. Of course there are gonna be more than one event photographer there. I go to the Groove Entertainment's site, look up the date of the party and sure as shit, I find a clear front shot of the mystery redhead.

6. I see the chest piece and sleeve and have a revelation.

7. I google.

8. Misti Dawn.

9. And before the hour was out, I had two videos.

Aside #1: While finding more info on her, I came across a number of message boards posts of dudes calling her ugly. Really, guys? Talk about unrealistic expectations.

Aside #2: The second video is from Blacks on Blondes. We're full circle.

Now I can go back to doing something constructive with my life. Well, after watching some porn.

Fun With Terms and Conditions

Where is yours truly, Oruba Stone? In reality, no one's asking that. I've been semi-regularly posting Porn Star Haiku so I haven't been hearing readers questioning my whereabouts. But truth is, I have been away.

I have been backpacking Southern Asia for a few months now, half of it with my then-girlfriend and half without my girlfriend but not exactly alone either (The Stones said if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.)

As things are, this is longest period I've gone without constant porn. What wonders steady sex and inconsistent wifi access can do for a man!

But that for now has come to an end. I've been sitting in this hotel in Mumbai waiting to catch my flight back home tomorrow. This is the first time in a long time I've been alone in a room with locked doors and broadband access. You can see where this has led.

My latest porn binge has led me to the doorstep of Claudia-Marie's site. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this blond beauty, she's bubbly, curvy, and an absolute delight to watch.

But before I entered, I did something I don't remember doing since I was 15. I read the terms and conditions for entry. You know, the legalese saying you're old enough and not uptight. Claudia-Marie's terms and condition includes this precious sentence:

Claudia-Marie, all models, black white and other race actors, actresses and other persons that appear in any visual depiction of actual bigtit ClaudiaMarie sexual conduct appearing or otherwise contained in this adult site were over the age of eighteen years at the time of the creation of such depictions.

Standard statement for 2257 purposes saying that the models are legal. But why list the races of the actors? Or comment on Claudia-Marie's boobage? Strange, right?

I wonder who else is having fun with these.

Over at Blacks on Blondes, this topped a very tightly written T & C:

This site contains interracial sex and interracial porn. Dogfart specializes in big black cocks, interracial xxx videos, creampies, cuckold sex and amateur porn movies. Up ahead is nothing but white sluts and cheating wives with big tits and tight white pussy. Huge black dicks shooting creampies internal cumshots all over naked white teens who love huge black cocks.

This classic from Big Tits at School made me laugh:

The videos and images in this brazzers site are intended to be used by responsible adults as sexual aids, to provide sexual education and to provide sexual entertainment.

Meat Melons has a clause that makes you pause:

I hereby swear, certify, and affirm . . . am not under the influence of any drugs, or mind altering substances or mechanism, natural or otherwise, nor is your [sic] judgement impaired by any mental illness, deficiency, or infirmity;

I'm sure a more thorough search will turn up more odd/hilarious disclaimers. I'll be sure to post them as they pop up.

Ms. Tease

Warning: this holy grail is very much Ugly Girl Porn. Watch out if you're not ready. Worse yet, it's from Exploited Moms, a site with its fair share of rough-looking women. I suspect this is a holy grail only because it's hard to find. What is it that economists say, scarcity creates value?

Ms. Tease, God bless her. I'm not quite sure what I see in her but she grows more attractive with every failed attempt to score her full vid. I've logged hours trying (imagine that!) but with no luck. I've even considered actually paying for a membership. But then I heard that her video isn't even on the member's site, even though it's advertised. Talk about running a tight shift. Heard that from a guy who more obsessed with Ms. Tease than I am. It's great not to be alone.

I did after some trouble manage to download her trailer. That keeps the passions at bay for a little while. When that stops working I'll watch a scene Kaci Starr did with Blacks on Blondes. It's a bit eerie but she looks like she could be Ms. Tease's daughter. The hair and makeup are the same right down to the eye shadow and their bodies are the same basic shape except of course Kaci Starr is more petite, way cuter, and less sloppy.

I imagine there's an alternate universe out there where everything about my life is the same, except one thing. In this parallel world, I'd been trying like hell for months and months to get a hold of the Kaci Starr scene but instead had to settle for butt ugly Ms. Tease. And in this universe, all is right with the world. The Sexual Revolution never fizzled because there's no such thing as AIDS. No one voted for the dumb rich kid even once. It doesn't cost anything to go to college. And war is abolished. All disputes are settled with breakdance battles. Yes, a truly perfect world.