Downton Labia Needs To Be Made: An Open Letter To Someone Special

Dear Producers of Quality Porn Parodies and/or Period Piece Porn (Including, but not limited to, Nica Noelle),


I am writing to draw your attention to a show that is ripe for the porn parody treatment.

Imagine a period piece set in Edwardian England, nestled between that foreboding time between the sinking of the Titantic and the First World War.

Imagine a palatial estate, lush grounds, class conflict, and sexual tension.

Imagine gentility. And the costumes. And the sexual tension. There’s a lot of it.

Imagine this is a real show. Because it is.

Imagine this show has an average viewership of 10 million folks after only one season. Because it does.

Imagine there’s already an audience for Victorian/Edwardian Porn. Because there is.

Yes, I’m talking about Downton Abbey. And yes, you have to porn parody it. Because I, and at least one other person would pay to see it.

I've spent the time writing this, imagining that sexual tension being penetrated every 20-30 minutes.

We’ve already done most of the the hard work, figuring out who will play whom. Kimberly Kane could be Anna Smith. We could bring Sasha Grey out of retirement to play Lady Mary. James Deen, who's like the Seth Rogan of porn, could be William Mason the footman. Mark Davis will play John Bates the valet. And Evan Stone is perfect as the paterfamilias, Robert Crawley.

Oh. and imagine the title: Downton Labia.

This must be done, and you must do it.

Optimistically and Warmly,

Oruba Stone

Porn Star Portraits #2

Annie Sprinkle As Eastern Goddess of Late-Stage Capitalism (My Educated Guess)

Have you had the opportunity to check out Porn Saints? No? Do yourself a favor. Scroll down a bit. On the right, you'll see the link under Faves and Raves.

I see some of you need more convincing.

"What the hell is Porn Saints, Oruba? And why should I drop what I'm doing to check it out?"

Well, here's their own mission statement:

Porn Saints is the art side of porn and the porn side of art. It is an artistic approach to porn, a pornographic approach to art, a pornoartistic approach to religion. Artworks are based upon the idea that porn stars may be "sanctified" by their performances.

Still not enough?

Well here are some pictures:

Kerry Louise

Dana DeArmond

Kimberly Kane

Chenin Blanc

April Flores AKA Fatty D

A compelling case, no? I can tell you're thoroughly convinced, friends. Go forth.

Kimberly Kane Shoots Her Friends In The Face

Faith Leon, shot in 2009

Her friends happen to be porn stars.

Our favorite Porn Art Theorist has started a tumbler where her photography can be seen.

My Review: "Good Shit!"

Bobbi Starr is smoking

Check it out.

Kimberly Kane: Porn is My Art

Is Porn art?

I've think about this much more than I should. Sometimes I think no; Sometimes I think maybe. Other times I think that maybe I should be spending my time more constructively.

Don Drummand's masterful trombone declares that music is his occupation.

Adult starlet Kimberly Kane looks coolly into the lens of a camera and declares, with the confidence of Duchamp pointing at a urinal: Porn is my art.

The witty Billy Watson, a pornographer whose porn-adjacent work goes places I enjoy, like into conversations with intelligent, with-it, porn women who aren't Nina Hartley (she isn't the only one), takes my view: Once you jack to it, it isn't art.

Kane disagrees of course. And I disagree with her. Or at least her reasoning. Even if teenage boys can jack to anything (I offer myself as proof), the Author's intention plays a large role in its self-definition. If you have, say, Michael Ninn (I'm going back here) who intends for his work to be more than a jack piece, then yes, it's art. But your run-of-the-mill gonzo producer is churning out a product. So no, no art there.

Though I disagree with Ms. Kane, I have seen a few of her scenes, and her Artist Declaration is right on: Porn absolutely is her art.