Friday, February 25, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: August Night

The filthy things
I'd do to this Latina
On a summer's evening.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Austin Kincaid

A face I like, no—love!
Boobs like balls. My lust for
You's incomparable.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Mandy Bright

I arrive enslaved to
You. You, Cum Queen of
Hungary. I, subject.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

You Choose: Britney or Whitney Stevens

Here's a dilemma I'm often faced with. I'll pose you a question, dear reader:

If you could only choose one, who would you rather fuck?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Extreme Holly

This is the first haiku
Dedicated to someone

BBW I Love Love Love #5: Kitty Lee

The reason I love Kitty Lee is straightforward, if out of left field. She looks an awful lot like Kathy Najimy. For those you who can't be bothered with clicking a link, Kathy Najimy is best known for being the voice of Peggy Hill on King of the Hill. She also played Whoopi's sidekick in the Sister Act movies. Yes, I spent high school wanting to fuck that woman. Hell, I still would turn her out.


I was introduced to Kathy by Veronica's Closet, the memory of which has me thinking. Now that show was shit. And the only reason I would watch was because of Kirstie Ally as well as Kathy.

Kirstie was bigger than she'd ever been and showing her age. The show was very self-aware of this and played off and against this with a constant parade of models. I'd never been into skinny, youthful Rebecca Howe and the models were interchangeable to me if not outright invisible. But the sight of Kirstie on that show, mature and curvy, would set my skin on fire.

I felt the same way about Kathy. I couldn't explain the attraction. I didn't openly admit it. This was the mid to late 90's. Milf and Bbw had yet to enter our national consciousness. TV, all of mass media for that matter, made you feel like it was aberrant to find chubby, older women sexy.

This is what I think of whenever I rub out to Kitty Lee. She's mature, overweight and never will have a career as a beauty on television or in the movies. Still, I love her as she is. She gives me immense pleasure. Neither one of us should be ashamed of that.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Katja Kassin

When I see red, I
Collapse like the wall. Achtung
Baby, here I come!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Kelly Wells

Let's be honest.
It's a little like jerking off
To the Exorcist.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Sandra Romain

It isn't blood
My favorite Romanian is
Known for sucking.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

First Facial: One Small Load For Woman

A ponderous question that weighed upon my mind as I woke up this morning: who was the woman who received the first facial?

In a manner of speaking she could be long dead. She could've been a some rough Cro-Magnon's cave bitch, whose dude didn't care where his juices pew.

Perhaps she was a guest at an especially messy Roman orgy. Maybe it was Messalina herself.

And though Dick-to-Vag sex has reigned supreme until recently, there must have been enough blowjobs, and enough lying/miscalculating men to to make this question moot since time immemorial.

No, what I want to know is who was on the business end of the first porn facial. You gotta suppose, unless we have other evidence, that any facial prior to modern era porn was unintentional. With pictorial, and later, video porn there was a need to show that the sex was real. A cum shot was the sure-fire way, so to speak, to show it.

Some time between the Daguerreotype and the peepshow, the cum shot migrated to the face.

The point I'm coming to is that someone had to be the first. Some farm girl new to Chicago/New York/LA, perhaps at the turn of the 19th Century. Factory life is oppressive. she can't make rent. She has no family to support her. She turns to prostitution. One of her johns is a photographer who pays for her to have sex with another man while he films. Toward the end, the photographer asks the man to do the most peculiar thing . . .

"You want him to do what?"

"Onto her face, sir?"

And like that, unknown to the participants, history is made. The possibility exists then that this photo still exists, sitting in someone's attic.

If it could be verified that yes this is the first facial captured on film, how much would it be worth?

Also, if the first facial landed later in the 20th century, there is the possibility that the woman who got hit with it is still alive, whiling the time away in some nursing home, unaware of her notoriety.

Also also, what in the world could I have possibly been dreaming about where this is what I'm thinking about when I wake up?

Friday, February 4, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Pinky

I want to make your
Plush, yielding ass go "Wee Wee Wee!"
All the way home.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Ginger Lynn

Still tugging off to you.
We're getting older and
Better together

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Porn Star Haiku: Joanna Angel

Punk-ish, Jewish, from Jersey.
What I love about you!
And anal too!