Sunday, February 26, 2012

Is It Porn Copy, or Is It Joyce?

(Mosiac created with AndreaMosaic)

A new feature. James Joyce, the modernist's modernist, wrote notoriously filthy letters to his wife Nora. Can you can tell the difference between the randy thoughts of a literary giant and the words of a run-of-mill porn copy? Yes?

Who wrote this?

Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her

Answer after the jump.

Friday, February 24, 2012

New Year, New News

Greetings Dear Friends.

I'm sitting here with a glass of shiraz, listening to a lecture on Ulysses, writing to fill you in on what's going on with yours truly and what to expect from Neckties for Reptiles in the future.

I have embarked on different sort of journey for the new year. I had resolved for the month of January to forgo my usual porn viewing fare and only watch flicks that are either feminist, women-directed, ethical, or from the Golden Age of Porn. Flicks that ease upon the demeaningness. Cindy Gallop's Make Love Not Porn has begun to have an effect on yours truly. Reviews and reactions to come.

The month went by so well, I've decided on an additional resolution. I'm gonna hold on to the porn I have. It's alot of porn. I seriously have 1.3 gigs of porn. Between computer crashes and malfunctioning external hard drives, I'm sure I've acquired over 5 gigs of porn in my lifetime. What on earth am I going to do with all that porn? So much of my time has been spent feverishly, methodically, and endlessly looking for porn.

I have resolved to stop downloading hardcore porn. I have enough. If I don't stop now I never will.

The only porn I download will be of the sort I had been watching in January.

Neckties will continue to be your prism into Oruba via porn. I'll keep writing haikus. And I'll try to get some interviews.

I want to shift the focus of this blog to emphasize my new experiences with the sort of porn I will be spending more of my time with.

Eventually I want Neckties to be the mouthpiece of a new, ethical pornography. Thank you, for taking this journey with me, friends.   

The Bots Must Be Crazy

I have heard that bots are getting more sophisticated.

I assume sophistication means opening conversations with random people by pretending you have pussy warts.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

BBW I Love Love Love #11: Rose Valentina

I wonder what Rose Valentina is doing right now. I suppose it's something terribly mundane. Something more ordinary than fucking on the smut-screen. She's probably in a supermarket wondering why they over water the basil plants . Maybe she's doing her taxes. She could be watching Wheel of Fortune, all the while marveling at the spectacle that is Pat Sajak's hair.

When you find yourself thinking about the boring day-to-day of a woman who has sex on camera1, well, that's love, right?2

1. Wait, Twitter!!
2. Well, there's another option, but I'm far too lazy, self-aware, and ironically distant for that nonsense.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Porn Star Haiku: Wendy Jaymes

Suck so sweetly. 
Sparkle when you see me. Get my
Gist, love? Know my wish?