Sunday, January 11, 2009
Death of a Starlet
So it was like this. I had a hankering for Britney Madison. Now, Britney isn't exactly Ugly Girl Porn, I mean she kind of cute. But she's not exactly the type of girl you'd walk around the mall with. I guess she appeals to a side of me that's secretly attracted to trashy blondes. This is the same side of me that has the hots for Goldie Cox.
My minds wanders sometimes, and right in the middle of watching her video I try to find more info about her. Maybe get a movie or two downloading while I got back to watching. And that's when I found out what many of you probably already know. Britney Madison had been dead for about three years; car crash (where the hell was I?).
Now what would you do? Would you stop all together? Would you switch her out with someone else? Or would you just say “fuck it?” If this has never happened to you just give yourself a minute to think about it. Can you guess my course of action? I'll give you a clue. It came with rationalization, guilt and more rationalization.
To put it in perspective, I've dealt with two porn star deaths recently. The first was Haley Paige, who I've never was really into. I have a Cumfiesta scene of hers that I never watch. The second one was huge! Anna Malle. I've been into Anna Malle since first started watching porn. She along with Jeanna Fine formed my idea of what a wanton woman was. I've seen Latex an unhealthy number of times. Yet the moment I found about her passing, that was the end. Truthfully, I haven't thought about her till now. I don't even own a single image of her.
Now, there is no doubt that at this very moment there is in all likelihood someone out there beating off to a picture of Marilyn Monroe. People still buy Savannah movies. And I don't judge them. In the end it's just images. You're not actually having sex with a dead girl. But something in me can't get around to even think about it. It's almost like necrophilia by proxy.
So that's what was on my mind when I debated going back to the Britney Madison scene. She's cute and all but by far no Anna Malle. On the other hand if I'd found out about Anna's Death right in the middle of watching that scene where she gets it on with Jeanna Fine and a Trojan warrior, I would've broke my own rule much much earlier. It's the fact that I was already halfway. Yes, the thing that's gotten many a man in trouble.
And after I done I didn't feel the doom that I get when I jerk off to something I shouldn't have. I masturbate to taboo stuff so rarely that when it happens I expect that doom feeling to come exponentially more potent than before. But none of that happened. In fact it was just like a regular stroke session. And when it was all over, I looked upon her smiling face, thanked her for making me feel good, hoped that she had a full and fulfilling life, and if there's anything left of her call it what you will a soul an essence, spirit, I hope it went to a better place than this.