Another Open Letter To Hustler Video

Dear Hustler Video,

You've been watching the news. You, no doubt, know that the race for the presidency is already underway.

I don't know about you, but I look out into the current Republican field and see Porn Parody Possibility. True, Sarah Palin, your muse, has gone out of her way to not run for president. But I'm writing to tell you not to sleep on Michele Bachmann. In fact, you should bank on the number of voters who want to sleep with her.

I guarantee you, right now, someone is googling:

• Michele Bachmann Sex
• Michele Bachmann Naked
• Michele Bachmann Porn
• Michele Bachmann Porn Parody
• Michele Bachmann Bat Shit Crazy Sex

And right now, those folks are coming up with disappointing results.

Supply that demand. Fill that void, so to speak. Because we both know that it's only a matter of time before Romney gets the nomination, the Tea Party loses the loonies, and Bachmann becomes irrelevant again. Make a buck before that happens. Fulfilled the desires of the patriotic while you're at it.

Who will play the Senator from Minnesota, you ask?

Lucky for you, I've already done the leg work.

I present you Lezley Zen. She has the right look. She's

the right age of MILF. Like Lisa Ann, she's an explosive performer who has the ability to literally bring us to our knees. And she looks more like Bachmann

than Lisa does to Palin.

Let's make this happen. There is an audience waiting to watch, ballot in an hand, pants around ankles. Like Who's Naylin Paylin, You could make history again. Let's make this happen.

Best Wishes,

Oruba Stone

This Needs to Be Made! An Open Letter to Hustler Video

NOTE: A proper email will be sent as soon as I can get a reliable contact address.


Dear Hustler Video,

I'm writing you in particular because you are responsible for the recent flood of porn parodies. I'm writing to you in really particular because you are the force behind Who's Nailin' Paylin?

Please take note of the juxtaposed images above. I've written recently about the eerie resemblance between Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell and Porn Starlet Alice Bell. Upon further reflection I've firmed in my opinion that this resemblance is more than passing. And I'm sure that I'm far from alone in this thought.

There are two factors you must consider:

1. This is who Christine O'Donnell is: She's a former practitioner of witchcraft. She's outspoken about the evils of masturbation. She's an acolyte of Sarah Palin. This parody writes itself! SCENE: A young candidate from Delaware takes a break from the campaign trail. She blows off some steam and slips into old habits by engaging mentor and pal Paylin in a Ouija session. Paylin returns the favor by teaching her the joys of mutual masturbation. SCENE: B/G with former Delaware Senator and Vice President (played by Randy West). This is just off the top of my head!
   
2. The election is in a few weeks and she is not projected to win. It's not like you have a 6 year term to wait around on getting this done. Unless she pulls a Palin (granted, not completely unlikely, as pretty as she is), she'll be out of the public consciousness by January.

It may seem like an impossible task to crank out a movie in a couple weeks but it was still under the same time constraints that Who's Nalin' Paylin? was made. It is entirely doable.

I, and I'm willing too bet quite a few people, would very much like to see this movie made. parodies are still very much in vogue. Palin who would be the anchor for this vehicle is still very relevant, lampoonable, and sexy. Please make this movie!

Best Wishes,

Oruba Stone

An Open Letter To Jeanna Fine

Dear Ms. Fine,

Allow me to start off by saying that I have been a fan of yours for a great many years now, nearly half of my life. Your onscreen exploits made an indelible imprint on me during my formative years. I doubt I will ever forget the effortlessly waton sexuality that you exuded. For that I want to thank you for making my adolescence what it was.

The reason for the letter is to implore you, beg you, to return to porn once more. I know I can't be the only person who's been waiting for you to come back. I sincerely believe that your return will stoke the pornstalgic flames of many men my age as well as enflame the hearts and passions of a new generation of youth.

The time is ripe; it has been for a few years now. The new swell of Milf and Cougar porn has brought many of the legends of yesteryear back to the forefront of our nation's pornographic consciousness. Your background reveals that you are Milf Compliant. Even without kids, you would fit quite naturally as an uberCougar, a role you seemed destined to play since the the early 90's.

If retirement is too sweet a deal to leave behind, please consider a limited run at the top reality sites. Or perhaps a season as Naughty America's Milf/Cougar-In-Residence?

I can't convey how much your return, however brief, would mean to young men (and maybe some women too) around the country. You would be doing us all a great honor even thinking about it.

With what I assume to be love and what I know to be the most sincere admiration,

You everlong fan,

Oruba Stone