Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I've Got Strokes For Days For Dana Hayes

Here it comes again. I know you've been waiting for it: Ugly Girl Porn.

Allow me, once more, to clarify. I would never disparage a woman who gives me pleasure the way Ms. Hayes does. And I would certainly leave the lights on if we ever made love. Or fucked. Or whatever. I would enjoy all she would have to offer me.

I'm not calling Dana Hayes ugly. My girlfriend is.

My friends, that is what Ugly Girl Porn is: An evaluation of my voluminous porn collection through the eyes of whoever my significant other of the moment may be.

Today's pick comes to you courtesy of Johanna, my main squeeze, if you will, of the past 6 months or so. We gotten close enough recently for her to take guided tour of my stash. As expected, she expressed surprised over the liking I had taken to quite a few women, but none so much as Ms. Hayes.

"What do you see in her? She's old, blubbery. She looks like my mom."

To which I shrug and point to my crotch:

"I don't know. It's just visceral. I need to be in her. I can't explain it. Just pure desire."

If I could explain it, I would also be able to explain my fascination with older, thicker, Slavic women with matronly upper arms who, if fully clothed, would be complete with a headscarf. There's a lot about me that doesn't make sense.

I want to thank you, Dana Hayes. Had you not decided to enter the adult film business. Had you kept on teaching dance, my porn experience would be that much less fulfilling. I hope you keep wonderfully doing what you're doing till you can't.

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