Sunday, February 6, 2011

First Facial: One Small Load For Woman

A ponderous question that weighed upon my mind as I woke up this morning: who was the woman who received the first facial?

In a manner of speaking she could be long dead. She could've been a some rough Cro-Magnon's cave bitch, whose dude didn't care where his juices pew.

Perhaps she was a guest at an especially messy Roman orgy. Maybe it was Messalina herself.

And though Dick-to-Vag sex has reigned supreme until recently, there must have been enough blowjobs, and enough lying/miscalculating men to to make this question moot since time immemorial.

No, what I want to know is who was on the business end of the first porn facial. You gotta suppose, unless we have other evidence, that any facial prior to modern era porn was unintentional. With pictorial, and later, video porn there was a need to show that the sex was real. A cum shot was the sure-fire way, so to speak, to show it.

Some time between the Daguerreotype and the peepshow, the cum shot migrated to the face.

The point I'm coming to is that someone had to be the first. Some farm girl new to Chicago/New York/LA, perhaps at the turn of the 19th Century. Factory life is oppressive. she can't make rent. She has no family to support her. She turns to prostitution. One of her johns is a photographer who pays for her to have sex with another man while he films. Toward the end, the photographer asks the man to do the most peculiar thing . . .

"You want him to do what?"

"Onto her face, sir?"

And like that, unknown to the participants, history is made. The possibility exists then that this photo still exists, sitting in someone's attic.

If it could be verified that yes this is the first facial captured on film, how much would it be worth?

Also, if the first facial landed later in the 20th century, there is the possibility that the woman who got hit with it is still alive, whiling the time away in some nursing home, unaware of her notoriety.

Also also, what in the world could I have possibly been dreaming about where this is what I'm thinking about when I wake up?


  1. It's an interesting thought, if definitely a bit of an odd one to wake up to. I'll have a dig through my historical erotica collection, if you like, and see if anything turns up.

  2. Sorry about the delay; worked kicked my ass last week, nearly literally.

    I went through what I've got on porn as a visual medium, and while my collection is by no means exhaustive, I couldn't find any early photography containing facials. My husband pointed out that since early cameras required everything to be very, very still, things that would drip or run weren't likely to be used, so I then started paging through paintings/drawings/woodcuts, etc. Although there is literally everything else imaginable represented in antique and ancient art, including pop shots on backs, breasts, and stomachs, there was nary a facial to be found. If it's out there, it wasn't widespread before the modern era. An illustration from a book printed in 1900 had the caption "The other day, Lilyetta, it felt like pearls in my hair, " but the picture itself was just two topless ladies chatting in a garden. So I'm betting that your theory that the original visual medium facial recipient is out there still kicking may very well be accurate.

  3. oh. my. dear. lord.

    you were being serious! thank you for (very very unexpectedly) giving validation, plausibility, and credence to what i thought were out-there waking thoughts.

  4. Eh, no big deal; historical erotica is one of my interests. It's fascinating, and proves that there really isn't anything new under the sun. Except, y'know, facials.