Sunday, January 8, 2012

Downton Labia Needs To Be Made: An Open Letter To Someone Special

Dear Producers of Quality Porn Parodies and/or Period Piece Porn (Including, but not limited to, Nica Noelle),

I am writing to draw your attention to a show that is ripe for the porn parody treatment.

Imagine a period piece set in Edwardian England, nestled between that foreboding time between the sinking of the Titantic and the First World War.

Imagine a palatial estate, lush grounds, class conflict, and sexual tension.

Imagine gentility. And the costumes. And the sexual tension. There’s a lot of it.

Imagine this is a real show. Because it is.

Imagine this show has an average viewership of 10 million folks after only one season. Because it does.

Imagine there’s already an audience for Victorian/Edwardian Porn. Because there is.

Yes, I’m talking about Downton Abbey. And yes, you have to porn parody it. Because I, and at least one other person would pay to see it.

I've spent the time writing this, imagining that sexual tension being penetrated every 20-30 minutes.

We’ve already done most of the the hard work, figuring out who will play whom. Kimberly Kane could be Anna Smith. We could bring Sasha Grey out of retirement to play Lady Mary. James Deen, who's like the Seth Rogan of porn, could be William Mason the footman. Mark Davis will play John Bates the valet. And Evan Stone is perfect as the paterfamilias, Robert Crawley.

Oh. and imagine the title: Downton Labia.

This must be done, and you must do it.

Optimistically and Warmly,

Oruba Stone

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