Monday, February 9, 2009

Last Words For Julie Ellis


They come and they go, don't they? The porn starlet's career is fleeting, a few months on average. The ones that stick around only do so for a few years then it's all over. If you want to think of someone who's career has lasted decades—and who isn't Nina Hartley—you'll be here all day trying to get a list long enough to fill a carpool.

They are temporary and fleeting and ephemeral. They are disposable. We take it for granted that another one will come to fill her place and if she's done only a movie or two, did you even really know she was there in the first place?

While they worked, no one really asked who they were, what went wrong—or right—in their life to bring them here. What drug habits? What belief in liberation? When they disappear, no one asks where they've gone. If they've died, no one eulogizes them.

Last week, I found out that Julie Ellis died. Overdose. About 6 months ago.

Scour the internet and you won't find a word of it anywhere. I heard about it from someone who'd worked with her. And something in me says that her relationship with her folks wasn't the greatest. If they do know about it, it's probably kept on the low. Julie Ellis probably doesn't have an obituary.

And this is one instance. Porn Valley and the internet most likely abounds with stories of these unsung starlets who've spent a minute or two under the bright lights never to be heard from again. Who've suffered silent deaths long ago, or worse.

I feel a sadness. I can't do more than I can. The only thing I can do for now is eulogize.

It seems to me, Julie Ellis, that you got into porn because you really needed the money. How else would you explain a progression from naughty cheerleader pictures to IR gangbang, with nothing in between?

I don't hold that against you; life is hard. You do what you have to do. In fact, I take back the mean shit I said about you.

I'm still fairly young so I can't pretend to know what life's about. I say though that the universal desire is to be remembered. I mean that's the unifying trait behind every portrait painted, every mountain climbed, every office filled, every child created. We all die alone. That's bad enough. But our biggest fear is for our memory to go with us.

I never got to know the real Julie Ellis, or even Julie Ellis' real name. What I know is from Blacks on Blondes and a weird lesbian threesome that involved a gas mask. I can only imagine who you were, a sweet girl who got caught up in life. I hope, if you get another go at this, that life will be kinder to you. And I promise to keep your memory alive and never forget you.

Amen.

52 comments:

  1. Well said. Good bye and sweet dreams Julie.

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  2. Oh, fuck.

    I was going to leave this comment on your previous post about her. Then I decided I didn't want to use my Google ID. Now...what the fuck:

    ***********
    She is beautiful, isn't she? I just discovered her yesterday, through her Facial Abuse shoot. She takes what those bastards dish out and laughs. In the end they ask her something like "So do you feel like a worthless whore when we spit on you?" And she laughs and says, "No. It's just spit."

    Her tattoo is a quote from Oscar Wilde, from "The Happy Prince": "We have chains, though no eyes behold them; and we are slaves, though men call us free." That alone raises her coolness and desireability factors by several orders of magnitude.

    **************

    Good night, sweet princess. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Yes. Definitely her. Died Monday, July 28, 2008.

    Dammit.

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  5. I deleted my comment where I gave her real name - I know it, and if you're getting these comments e-mailed to you, you know it. I'll let this girl rest in peace. Those who know that she was in this business, know; those who don't know, don't need to know. Those who know her only as "Julie Ellis" just need to know that she is dead. If they are interested in finding out who she really was, they can do the same research I did.

    Just know that, from what I found, she WAS loved, and WAS mourned, online and off. I just wish her life had turned out otherwise.

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  6. Wow, didn't think this would draw any traffic, much less people with information. Thank you for your comments, D.B. Echo. I have found myself wondering what that tattoo said. Now that I know it's an Oscar Wilde quote, particularly *that* quote, I see her in a new light, one that illuminates her more as a tragic figure of the Internet Age. I didn't get her name (didn't enable comments to be emailed to me till recently), but it really doesn't matter. My comfort comes from knowing that she was loved and mourned. Once again, thanks.

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  7. =/
    how sad.
    i was just searching stuff about her and then i discover this..she's dead.
    creepy.She was very cute..:/
    rest in peace

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  8. She really seemed to be something special, somehow she just really stood out, I cant put my finger on it...I cant believe shes DEAD. This is most unexpected & very depressing to me.

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  9. Yeah, I downloaded a video of her recently. Never encountered her before and at the very beginning of the video it mentioned she recently passed away. They included extended interview footage from right before and after the scene, and well, it was about as classy as it could be for a BJ video of a girl who recently ODed. She definitely seemed like a cool person but it was pretty obvious she was a sad person as well. I couldn't get a boner watching it and I kinda doubt I ever will-- very sad stuff.

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  10. Damn sir. I remember reading your last article about her. Like you too, I get the morbid curosity of what would drive a fine, pretty, attractive girl like Julie to this sick and twisted game.

    But now to hear she died? From drugs? Thats absolutly heartbreaking to me. No different then when I heard the sad story of what happened to Chris Benoit and his family. If you watch people enough, even if you never knew them, you still care about them.

    Here's to you, Julie Ellis. I hope you can eventually find your peace in your death.

    -D.T.

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  11. just read the comments of D.B.

    I'm very thankful to hear she was loved, and she was mourned. At the end of the day thats what is important for a girl who provided me so much fantasy enjoyment, even if I knew very little about her.

    Take care Ms. Ellis

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  12. I came upon this article while googling the words on her arm.

    I am greatly saddened by this news. She was so very young, and taken before her time.

    I will treasure the videos I have of her even more now, but it will take some time before I can bring myself to watching them.

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  13. I had the priveledge of living for two months with Julie Ellis. Its been over a year since she passed away and yet not a day goes by without me thinking about her at least once. She's simply unforgettable. After all I will never forget the late night discussions about Dostoevsky or arguments about Hamlet while listening to Puccini. I miss driving with her while singing along to Johnny Cash off key. Yes, she was a heck of a performer, but I miss the person that we all lost.

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    Replies
    1. i would like to hear more about this tragic beautiful person. i felt like i knew her. i miss her and am thrilled she had a friend like you.

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  14. I give my right hand and will jack off in honor of thee.

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  15. I can only say that I uncovered her work in porn about 2 months ago, and I saw her as another white girl who got off on camera To hear of her overdose and passing is horrible.

    May God have mercy on your soul sweet angel

    RIP

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  16. Hi I am from Greece I reed your comments about her death, I was very sad I first found out from a site about porn stars, at list I hope that everybody that watch porn understands now that most girls do this job in order to bye their death , to bye heroine .
    The same thing happens in Greece with young girls that work as prostitutes.
    I hope God will give her the love that men and women may not have given her.
    please if someone knows her real first name, Mary or what other name she might had please type it so I can give it to a priest to pray for her.

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  17. I can't help thinking of my initial reactions to this young, beautiful, curious intellect- it only deepens my sadness and guilt upon receipt of the news of her untimely passage... sadness at the loss of someone who, through her brief contact with the media and greater exposure through honest self exposure (vonnegut, oscar wilde, etc...)indicated herself to be an honest, curious intellect... I find myself weeping at her passage.. "may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest... go- bid the soldiers shoot."

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  18. I admit I'm addicted to viewing these girls but Iv always found myself mentally dressing them.I felt like a freak in my school days and am hopelessly shy ever since.I guess I try to install some false memories of what I feel I missed.Anyway they say there is a lot of contempt in porn for the girls but I adore them.I remember the girls that shared their youth decades ago and I for one will strange as it sounds coming from a porn addict pray for Julies gentle soul.

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  19. I remember watching the Ellis video on FA, and she had stuck out from the rest.. Her video was the main reason I signed up (i think!). She was different from the rest... I found out she had died from someone she had worked with, and was pretty shocked too! I think the fact that people have taken the time and effort to post comments, just goes to show how unique and special this girl was. It's just such a sad thing to happen to such a sweet girl. I think I speak for all of us when I say, she will certainly be remembered :)

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  20. Hey can someone post her real name and facebook? I really want to know more about the real Julie. This is the interweb, you know we don't play that faggy "ooh lets respect the dead" shit. People want to jack it to her personal pics too mang.

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  21. I for one enjoyed working with Julie. She was a brave girl for sure!

    RIP Julie!!

    Bill - crushcuties.com

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  22. her parents were somewhat neglectful when i knew her. she was quite privileged though, i'd say it was her first boyfriend byron who warped her up more than anything and dragged her into her heavier drugs and bad habits at an early age of 14 or so. she became drawn to self destructive(cutting/bulimia/attempted suicide) tendencies because of his influence. she was, however, in possession of a most brilliant and provocative mind for how twisted it was. everyone who knew her will attest to that.

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  23. ...Thought for the heck of it I'd give another google search to see if there was any news item up still about her death, years later all that comes up are a few shoots and Necktiesforreptiles. Probably for the best.

    Glad to see a bit more biographical comments in here now. I don't know... it's a damn shame she had to die at 19.

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  24. ill be honest and say up until i found out about her death i just looked at porn as just a way to pass time and get off then i bumped into a video stating she had passed then it clicked here i am using this video of this poor girl who would be my age by now 23 to be exact to indulge in my own pleasure and have no care in the world and now i see things difrently she probaly didnt have the nicest friends she probaly had a ton of guys use her and just kick her to the curb like she was no one just like these guys in all these movies and she probally said to her self huh well if i gonna get treated like shit and my body be used i might aswell make some money to. giving up on the hope that there is someone who really cares out there for her and love her regardless. as far as drugs and porstars they go hand in hand do the math think about it really. you get paid to have sex with random people a shitty amount at that especialy if you a amature like julie and i not talkin down when i say that and what do you feel when the lights go off and you go to shower off the filth that covers your body emptyness lonelyness thats how i feel after just watchin a video of this stuff. and i can promise you this girl has probally not been the same since the day she did her first shoot and her escape that she found was drugs so it would numb her so bad she wouldnt care and soon the numbness began to not hold the wall of pain so in turn of tryin to block it out with more drugs it just took her life insted pretty much a slow suicide. now one thing that scares me is julie looks like my gf.and her life was torn to shreads do to a porn addict when she was young she was molested and she still isnt the same to this day now i love her regardless of whats happened and julie if u can read this where ever you are just know someone out there loved you and would have took that place and pulled you out before you drowned in this place we call the world and loved you regardless i know i would have as i do for my fiance i would die before i see her hit rock bottom. people dont see the pain behind the eyes with people like pornstars if you dont die of aids you get strung out on drugs and if you manage to not do that u just get depressed and kill your self alot of people think oooo yea id love to fuck all day and make money well u fools your wrong just let this sweet inocent girl be a life lesson to you and yes she is inocent she was just takin advantage of and made in to what someone else wanted not what she wanted

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  25. When these young women go, if they meet Julie on the other side they'll all see something they lost, in her.

    I didn't know her, but I've met her many times while driving cab on the graveyard shift.

    Clearly she was flawed, fragile, intelligent and broken. She was a victim. She was a survivor. She drew hard on the hand she was dealt, but she lost. Yet, she appeared to bare no malice. She was perfect.

    Perhaps they'll all be friends ...
    These girls who "go all the way".

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  26. One of the only times I was ever fascinated enough by a porn star to google her name... I discover she passed away at the age of 19...
    Very, very tragic to say the least

    In all her videos she seemed so human, something that set her apart from most girls doing porn.

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  27. i think facialabuse.com broke her

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  28. found this out on a forum site, i didn't believe it at first...RIP

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  29. Of all the other Pornstars Julie Ellis was a really good actor.

    I consider her Movies, Art.

    I've just discovered her death a few days ago, but never have I seen something like this, to Neckties For Reptiles you have done a great job remembering her, I may not have known her, but I feel like she deserved a lot more than her trajedy.

    Rest In Peace.

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  30. Porn stars die all the time but for some reason I seem to be fascinated by this one in particular. (go figure) Watching her work, there seems to be a deeper vulnerability than I've seen in most of these girls. (my opinion) If she ever wanted to be remembered by others then I'd say by the outpouring of sympathy and the sheer curiosity of who was she, perhaps she will achieve just a taste of the immortality that we all seek. R.I.P Julie.

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  31. Julie, I hope you're at peace, I've never forgotten you. R.I.P. Julie.

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  32. Christ, a whore dies from a drug overdose and you all act like she's a queen. It's unfortunate that a human being is dead, but lets not elevate her to sainthood just yet, okay?

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    1. why'd you come here for, miserable faggot??

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  33. Just paying a little respect sir. Is that ok with you?

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  34. To: May 11,2012 3:50AM

    She was more than a queen...she was a child of God who lost her way. Maybe you are too full of yourself to see her as a human being because she did something you don't agree with. In the end God's judgement of her will matter not man's.

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    1. leave it, James...the crap-commenting anonymous asshole probably came here to see just another porn of the late girl.

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  35. And now the zealots move in. Yeah, that will win the argument.

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    1. YOU came here to argue..at a dead girl's obituary page on whether she was a whore or not....you should confine yourself to watching porn and jacking off...this page is not for a lowlife,scum of the earth like you...Yeah, we all watch porn..but there's a difference---i don't term every girl in a porn as a slut,..and if there are sluts in this world, its because lowlifes like you forced them into being so.

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    2. the day pussy won't be sold is the day when dicks won't demand them as a commodity...so much for calling girls as sluts..YOU were looking for a slut..so any girl you see will appear as a slut to you.

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  36. I'm a bit late to this party, actually a lot late. I just found out today that she was gone. Turns out she was gone three years before I even knew who she was.

    I stumbled across a few of her videos last year. Wow, was she cute, the type of girl I've long been attracted to. The kind of common cuteness you see at the mall everyday that people don't think of as beautiful, but real beauty is often found in the most common of things.

    A lot of times people forget that before these girls were (most likely) damaged irreparably and sent on the path to fucking on camera, they were somebody's daughter, somebody's sister and sometimes even somebody's mother.

    I deleted the videos I had of her today, because I personally found it somewhat morbid, and even somewhat disrespectful keeping them around.

    I would like to think that she was once a happy carefree little girl, with dreams of being and doing something special. Hopefully wherever she is, she can find that happiness again.

    She's in a better place now, and the things that brought her down this road are no longer weighing her down. Be free Julie Ellis, may you rest in peace.

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  37. I read of her passing a few years ago and it struck me that when we watch her and porn stars alike, that they seem so happy in what they are doing...the reality is far from that...a lot are damaged before they enter the porn industry..and a heck of a lot more are damaged after they have entered it....of course it's a choice....but i suspect they make that choice expecting fame and fortune....very few achieve that..so i will sit in a silent thought now to all those who have taken or lost their lives because of the industry...i hasten to add that not all deaths are attributed to the industry...RIP JULIE

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  38. Another OD...
    Does it really surprise you all? Honestly, everyon dies of something, yeah? The thing about porn stars is they all have a tendency to die in the same little cluster of ways. Overdosing, suicide, car crashes, murder, a disease caused by excessive drug or alcohol use or a virus picked up by fucking uncountable numbers of people. They are what they are. Many of them actually think it's a shortcut to mainstream films. Well, to say it bluntly, they make special busses for people like that. Some people get away with murder, some people make shitty choices, but in the end, everything that happens to you is a path chosen by no one but yourself.

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  39. Some people become Doctors, lawyers, Engineers and some Become Meat..Julie was meat on the hoof, nothing else..to be used and consumed at our leisure.
    The Oven is ready for sweet Julie..time to push her in.. dinner should be cooked in about four hours.

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  40. Isn't she in Spicy Roulette 2? It seems to have been produced in either 2010 or 2011

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  41. i'm not saying what it is, but it took me less than 15 mins to find her real name. now i wish i hadn't. so, so sad. she had a lot of friends, loved literature (and jokes), and apparently touched a lot of people. i actually had to stop clicking the search result links because it is so sad.

    those who are inclined to want to know her name, or who she was, i must recommend STOP. it will only hurt you to read about her. as humans, we are naturally curious about many things. this curiosity is too sad to pursue.

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    1. Thanks for the warning, but I will brave the possibility of pain to learn more. She had fans. And yes, I don't have to explain the strange pseudo 'familiarity' fans create between themselves and the objects of their desire/affection/obsession. But I must admit, her mark on the 'adult world' was not that large, but she will be missed. Despite the pain, one ends up being more aware of how things are. The world can be a cold and harsh place. But I think people should know that she wasn't some anonymous nobody in this field. There were, and are, people who liked her and miss her now.

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  42. I am currently writing Julie's Bio for the website keezmovies.com
    This was one of the hardest ones I've done so far.. as I am supposed to make these girls sound like hot little porn whores, basically. I tried to keep her biography as respectful as I possibly could to honor her. When writing about these girls I really begin to feel as though I get to sneak a peak into their lives. It really breaks my heart to see such a beautiful girl die in such a terrible way. Thanks for this article, it was really touching.

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  43. Why waste your time basking in the pride of letting us know what you did but wont tell and then go so far as to tell us what we arent strong enough to find out? Its people like you who crap on the memory of people the most. You are fine and dandy with people watching her porn scenes but they shouldnt dare find out who she was and try to gain some closure from it all. Loser...when I find her name Im going to post it just because dumb people like you. Its better to not post that you know her name then try and tell us you know it but arent telling...5 year old pre school face.

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  44. Less than 15 minutes later from my (the) recent post: her name is Willow Balmat. Find closure and seek meaning to your own lives because its there as surely as organic life is full of intelligent design.

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