We know how I watch porn. It's the same way most of you do.
Press Play. Blowjob.
Skip. Position One.
Skip. Position Two.
Skip. Doggie.
Skip. Cumshot.
Nap.
I don't know about you but it takes me five minutes to watch a thirty minute scene.
I partook in something herbal this week, as is my wont, and partook in something pornographic. It is strange. I've been doing both for over half my life. But it has only been in the past year and a half or so that I've been doing both
together. Strange, indeed!
And like that, I become terribly interested in two things. 1. Extending the stroke session for the duration of the scene, and 2. The content, both narrative and subtextual, of whatever I'm watching.
The flick, which is always picked at random, always transforms into something intensely (if unintentionally) profound.
The movie this week, the longest I've watched this way so far, was
Sister Wives XXX: A Porn Parody.
Thoughts, Observations, Ruminations.
- I kind of started watching without knowing it was a parody. I've really pulled back on my TV watching, and all around pop culture acculturation recently, so I had never heard of Sister Wives. The point being . . .
- . . . I was exposed to the porn parody before being exposed to the original thing. Think about that.
- As much as I petition for specific acts of political porn parody, I don't actually watch much of it. I don't know if Sister Wives XXX is representative of the genre, but it's actually pretty good.
- In her first sex scene, Samantha 38G wore the same shoes she did in a recent scene on her site with Angelina Castro. You see more of them here, still I'm disappointed she took off before the scene was through. The fact that I feel the need to mention them reminds me that I have to write a long overdue post on my shoe fetish (more like an intense shoe like. Actual shoe fetishists are weird).
- I'm surprised at the variety of women here. How often do you see a BBW like Samantha 38G and waifs like India Summer in the same movie?
- I had watched the entire movie before realizing that hot brunette I'd stroked to one and a half thimes was India Summer.
- Aliysa Moore's baby and India Summer's children are played by a doll and huge cardboard cutouts respectively. It makes sense that actual freaking children can't be cast in even non-sex scenes of a porn flick (Oh dear Lord, imagine the backlash!), but it's still a bizarre sight for a dude with a headful of smoke.
- Either I was retarded high or Evan Stone is actually a solid comedic actor, employing subtle nuances of voice and movement as well as quick, coy glances to the fourth wall to satirize his character without actually breaking character. Yeah, must've been retarded high.
- You got to hand it to someone who can make a sex movie about how ridiculous polygamy is.
- Although there seemed to be a lot of understated art direction, it looks like parodying a reality show has to be the most cost effective way to go. Following around Evan Stone and a few women in Mom Jeans can't possibly be that much more expensive than your bare bones gonzo flick. It's certainly no Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge.
Yes, I watched and stroked straight through. There were smoke breaks (rest periods, initiated for obvious reasons), but overall a exhilerating 2+ hour experience.
