Sweet Melanie Malone

I hesitate to label this woman Ugly Girl Porn. I think she's rather prety in her own way. I wouldn't mind walking through the mall with her. But the Ugly Girl Porn designation didn't originate with me. I only mirror the sentiments of girlfriends past and present who have waded through my embarrassingly large porn collection commenting on the girls they see there. Perhaps it's the longish face or the extra bit of gumline length. You could make up your own minds. Whatever you decide, behold Melanie Malone.

Ms. Malone is among the surprisingly abundant amount of beauties I've discovered at Spunkmouth a few years ago. Everything about her drew me in: the flaming red latex fireman getup she peeled off; her inviting and genuine smile; her unnaturally spherical fake boobs (my formative years being in the 90's, I considered normal things my forefathers never did); I even liked the Rachel-esque stiffness of her hair as well as the highlights.

Unfortunately Melanie's stay in the industry was regretably short. Her output is few and hard to find. I have to make do with the Spunkmouth scene which invariably brings me joy.

Which brings me to the point of this post: Melanie Malone, you make me happy. If by some strange quirk of fate you are reading this, I would like to thank you.

And With the First Post I Introduce the Reader to Shawna Red and Ugly Girl Porn

A girl I dated once, hit the nail right on the head. She was going through my collection when she commented—maybe she was jealous, I don't know—that I seemed to like “Ugly Girl Porn.” I laughed but those was the truest words ever spoken by her.

Let my clarify: I don't only like Ugly Girl Porn. The same way I don't only like BBW. The same way I don't only like IR. The same way I don't only like a few things, but it registers in what I have . You notice it pretty quickly.

Another clarification: by Ugly I don't mean drop dead hideous. That's a special man who can get down like that. I'm not mad at him but I can't fill those shoes. I just mean Ugly as in being totally not the type of girl I would even be seen with. For example I have this thing for horse-faced women that goes back to an odd fixation for Sarah Jessica Parker in the early nineties. Don't ask; I don't get it either. Thankfully, Sex and the City cured me of all that.

With that I give you Shawna Red. I own a Spunkmouth vid she did a few years ago. And what a horrible scene that is. She, an obvious newbie, doesn't give the most spectacular performance. However, I lay the onus of the blame on the woodsmen. Her co-stars, both of them, couldn't possibly look more bored. They looked like they'd rather be playing Xbox, like they got their controllers taken away by the director right before shooting started. Have you ever seen two guys sulk their way through sex? It's sad. It's real sad.

And yet I still watch this shitty scene several times a year. I love Shawna Red. The long bony face. The too big lips. The hennaed out hair. Drives me nuts. Unfortunately for me, it doesn't seem like she stayed in the business very long. The evidence of which I could find is that god awful Spunkmouth scene and one for Real Arizona Amateurs that I can't get a hold of (for free). Anybody have any info?